The Fifth Column: The Dreaded Period
I felt like it was never supposed to happen. It wasn’t me. It was a mistake in the evolutionary chain. I was not meant to bear children and that, my friends, is the only thing a period is good for. Not only was it embarrassing, wrong and shameful it hurt and made me, well, bitchy. I tried for the longest time to ignore it but, like most horrible things, it’s awfully difficult to ignore.
Garrett Hoffman is blogging his transition at transformgarret.blogspot.com. You can read the rest of his columns here.
Beyond the bleeding and the feminine products and the cramps and the irritability there was something that bothered me much more. The Goddess* spoke to me on a monthly basis.
Wait, what?! Who is the Goddess? I might be crazy, but the Goddess is the thing that kept me in tune with my womyn-ness.
Let me explain. I would lose track of when I last got my period because I would try so hard to forget about it whenever it wasn’t actually happening. I would lose track of when it was supposed to come but always, without fail, there would be the one morning that I would wake up and just think, “I’m going to get my period today”. No physical symptoms. No realization that it had been about a month since my last one. Nope. I would just KNOW and that’s because the GODDESS told me about it. I HATED the Goddess. Basically, she always told me things that I didn’t want to hear, that made me feel gross, that made me feel wrong. Sometimes she would present me with emotions, most notably sadness. She would tell me to smell the flowers. She would remind me to be FEMININE.
(Photo: Garrett Hoffman)
The day I started Testosterone the Goddess shut up. Not a peep. There were so many new things happening and she was just gone. Amazing. I was so happy. That was my very favorite effect of T. I didn’t get my period. Nothing. No fertility. No worrying about whether I had a tampon with me. NOTHING! Until last week. I awoke one morning and thought, “oh shit, the Goddess visited me last night.” I knew I was going to get my period that day. But wait, that’s impossible, right? Ha! Count this under “Things the Doctor Forgot to Tell Me about Testosterone”. It doesn’t really stop them for good. The Goddess was back, and I was pissed. In fact, I had to ask a friend of mine to confirm my masculinity for me because I was feeling so down in the dumps about the whole thing. She was great and made me feel very manly but still, my mind was like, “what is happening?! You’re a boy! Boys don’t do this!” But it turns out, we do.
The Goddess has been stifled once again by the all-powerful Testosterone but there is no doubt that she will return. Maybe she’s with me, and all other woman-born people, for the rest of our lives. Maybe she will leave one day. At this point, her presence is not welcome but I am not closing my mind off to her just yet. Maybe there will come a day when I can embrace her.
*I realize this makes me sound like a new age woo woo hippie. I’m not. Honestly.
**As I progress further in my transition I find myself becoming more and more in tune with my feminine side. It’s nice to be able to embrace it without feeling too girly. Turns out, I’m a pretty faggy boy.
Related posts:
Many find tampons comfortable than pads since it offers more freedom. But it also has its advantages and disadvantages. One should be cautious, if one forget to remove it on time, then it may lead to bad smell, bacteria forms, thus leading to infections. It may also cause TSS disease. One can use tampon but has should be alert. One should immediately go to gynaecologist, if faces any problem.