What not everyone knows: a man doesn’t always have to stroke his penis to ejaculate. The anal orgasm is distinctly different from the genital orgasm: the tremor, quivering, and explosion don’t happen on the penis but inside. And arousal doesn’t fall away right away afterward: many men only feel real desire after an anal orgasm, including when coming with the penis.
The hormone of happiness responsible for this is called the prostate, and it’s regarded as the male G-spot. It’s a chestnut-sized, roughly 30-gram gland that has long played a crucial role in Tantra, the ancient Indian art of love. It sits about five centimeters deep in the rectum, toward the abdomen.
Prostate exploration with the finger
To begin exploring the prostate with a finger, you’ll need some lubricant. Nails, whether your own or your partner’s, should be short and free of sharp edges. If you want to be extra safe, wear a rubber glove, as doctors use for prostate exams. But please don’t use those large, loose washing- or gardening gloves!
Before penetrating the anus, make sure you’ve had a bowel movement earlier so you don’t run into uncomfortable moments. If you’re not sure you’re clean enough inside, you can aid with a rectal rinse. In sex shops there are small pumps with a filling nozzle that squirt warm water into the intestine. After a few minutes, the urge to defecate comes on—and afterward you’re really fresh up front. You should also empty your bladder beforehand. Because during a prostate massage you may feel the urge to urinate. You can ignore it. Or let it flow…
If the sphincter is stubborn
The most comfortable way to locate the arousal center is lying on your back with knees bent. The pleasure journey begins at the spot between the anus and the scrotum—the perineum. There you can start with a gentle massage. The area is highly sensitive; the prostate lies close to the perineum on the inside. From the perineum, your fingers move toward the entrance.
Inserting the finger is straightforward if you use enough lubricant and stay relaxed. The sphincter may be stubborn and resist opening. But that only reflects fear or insecurity signaled by the brain. With a bit of meditation or simply pleasant erotic thoughts, this hesitation can be overcome.
The finger now must locate the prostate. For orientation: it sits inside, behind the testicles at the level of the perineum, where we just began our massage journey.
Ejaculation without orgasm
About five to seven centimeters in, you’ll reach the bowel wall with the finger. The prostate gland sits at the lower end of the bladder, which feels slightly spongy. If you feel a small round bulge and then go a bit deeper, you’ve reached the target.
If the partner is guiding you, you can steer them, because you feel the immediate rise in your own arousal when the prostate is stimulated. The fingertip can then begin to massage with gentle circular motions and light pressure. If you use two fingers, you can enlarge the area to be massaged by essentially pinching the gland between them.
During this, it can happen that you ejaculate without experiencing an orgasm or an erection. That’s normal, because the prostate is doing its actual job. It combines its secretions with the sperm from the testicles to form the semen that’s expelled during ejaculation. This can happen especially when you’re not used to this kind of massage… (dk)
