Dear Margie,

I recently ended my relationship with my boyfriend.  I am a gay thirty-something and feel like I have not been all that successful in relationships.  I want to find somebody to really fall in love with. But almost always one of the first things brought up before even going on a date is penis size and sexual practices.  I would like to think that I am still worthy of being Chased rather than commit to a life of being Chaste.  Can you help me?

Sincerely,
Chaste

Dear Chaste,

You raise an interesting question about the world of dating in the age of computers and smart devices.  I am taking a liberty here in presuming that you are looking for love in all the wrong places.  Many of my gay friends cling to their electronics while we are out for coffee or a walk in the park.  It is as if they are expecting their Prince to ride up on a white horse and jump out of the device to carry them away.  Beyond being annoying (I admit that I am sometimes caught up with a good cooking show or craft lesson and find it difficult to stow the phone myself) it is fantasy land.  People can put whatever they want in their online profile making them appear more desirable than they actually are.  There is no policing of profiles except for to look at illegal activity.  That said, I will equate it to buying a house from an online listing and not doing a walk-through to see what you are really getting. Online dating and “Hooking up” is now somewhat colored by the competition.  People see what others list in their profiles and think “oh, that sounds good” and mimic.  Oh sure, from time to time there may be an Honest Abe (Or Adelaide) but I fear that is the exception rather than the rule.  Perhaps you would be happier exploring similarities found with others by joining a group.

There are groups for almost anything of interest.  If you are an outdoors kinda chap you could look at Outwoods Minnesota or the Northwoods Radical Faeries.  There are plenty of groups for singles that gather to do activities in a non-threatening environment such as Meetup.  Another terrific way to me someone with similar interests is to volunteer for a cause or service you believe in.  Then there is always the traditional method that many have used successfully to find their mate – CHURCH!  Now, some of you may say Margie you are truly nuts based on that last suggestion.  But I want you to think of church in Minnesota as you do shoe stores and best fit.  Not all churches are all holy-roller-in-your-face about beliefs.  There are plenty of welcoming congregations of all different faiths.  I can bank on this, if you meet someone in the basement over coffee and bars, you are probably not going to be hit with the penis size conversation (at least not there).

I love that you brought up being chased vs, chaste.  Believe in yourself, put you best foot forward and do sell out!  Being chased is good, but it requires some finesse and flirtation back.  In the meantime, if being chaste is your immediate solution, own it!  Not everyone is looking to score one sexual conquest after another.  I believe that sometimes the most enduring love grows out of a fine friendship.

Best of luck to you Chaste!

Love & Peace

XXXOOO

Margie
[sws_blue_box box_size=”100″] The views and opinions expressed by Mrs. P are solely those of Mrs. Pederson. These views and opinions do not necessarily represent those of TheColu.mn or other contributors to TheColu.mn. She’s an opinionated old woman, but most of the time, she gets it right (when she takes her meds as prescribed)! [/sws_blue_box]