The Fifth Column: Bathroom Culture*
This is important. Wrong bathroom etiquette could be quite embarrassing, not to mention dangerous. I am not actually judging any of these practices. I am just telling you like I see it. The men’s and women’s restrooms are quite different. Gender benders like me could probably write books on the subject. I’m going to try and condense it into a few paragraphs…or a number list (my preferred way of communicating, actually)
Garrett Hoffman is blogging his transition at transformgarrett.blogspot.com. You can read his other columns here.
1. Eye contact – Men don’t make eye contact in the restroom. Women, on the other hand, do it often…especially in the mirror. How many times have you caught someone looking at you through the mirror in a women’s restroom, even if it’s just a glance? They are probably admiring your earrings or wondering where you got your hair done or thinking, “have I seen that person before?” That doesn’t happen in the men’s room. And god forbid you catch their eye while peeing. I actually have never experienced this but could imagine that bad things would ensue. It might be impossible, now that I think about it. Guys generally have their eyes down the entire time they’re doing anything involving the bathroom. Private business, I suppose.
2. Talking – Acceptable in the woman’s bathroom. Acceptable and encouraged? Women go to the bathroom together just to talk, gab, laugh, complain, whatever. I have actually followed friends into the women’s bathroom just to continue a conversation even when I didn’t have to pee. Men do not talk. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard a conversation happening in the men’s room. I think the world would explode.
3. Pooping – yes, I’m sorry, it HAS to be said. Boys poop. Yup. They just let it go. Very rarely do I hear that in the women’s. In fact, I’m sure that every time I have heard it, it’s been a very emergent circumstance. Girls try to be all quiet about it. They wait for the water to run or the toilet to flush or they flush their own toilet to cover up the sound. Men, on the other hand, will grunt it out and whistle little tunes while doing their business. Seriously. They whistle. I have also seen men on many occasions, enter a stall with a newspaper in hand. I have never seen a chick do this. I like this practice much better than the near-required secretive pooping in the women’s restroom. Everyone does it. Why try and cover it up?
4. Washing Hands – I feel pressure to wash my hands in the women’s restroom. Ok, as good health practice, I generally do BUT being a VERY masculine looking person even before I started hormones I never knew what bathroom to use. (And for the record, I keep alcohol hand sanitizer in my backpack AND in my car) I really really really don’t care where I pee…just so as I don’t get harassed while doing it and in the women’s restroom I often got called out. Because of this, when I did use the women’s (which I never do anymore and no longer have a problem) I wanted to get in and out of there as fast as humanly possible. This often times meant a dead sprint from the stall to the hall thinking the entire time, “GET ME OUT OF HERE BEFORE ANYBODY HAS TIME TO SAY ANYTHING TO ME”. This was especially crucial if there was a line, which there often is in the women’s room. Sometimes as I was running from the stall I felt the evil eyes of many women judging me for not stopping at the sink. Pressure. This pressure doesn’t happen in the men’s room. A lot of men don’t wash their hands actually, which is pretty gross. I have never actually seen anybody do a thorough job at it in the men’s room whereas in the women’s, most people do spend a good minute or two at the sink.
5. Cleanliness level – Women’s restrooms are exponentially cleaner than men’s. They also, generally, have less graffiti.
*These rules are not applicable in instances where you know the majority of the people occupying the restroom (as in your place of business) or in gay bars.
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